Difference between revisions of "Falling Droplet"
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I got goosebumps reading it again. I was trying to capture the pain and disorientation of seperation, and the joy of reunion. It's a lot shorter than I had imagined. It always seems longer when you're writing it. | I got goosebumps reading it again. I was trying to capture the pain and disorientation of seperation, and the joy of reunion. It's a lot shorter than I had imagined. It always seems longer when you're writing it. | ||
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| + | Returning to this short work after a long absence, it still makes my scalp crawl a bit. I really enjoy the expectation and the longing. [[User:Ziggy|Ziggy]] 20:52, 22 February 2010 (UTC) | ||
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| + | Reading it again after a time, it is not very poignant, but a few parts in the transitions give me a thrill. Perhaps we could put this in the comic somewhere. [[User:Ziggy|Ziggy]] 23:14, 21 April 2011 (UTC) | ||
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| + | ===Toad's Analysis=== | ||
| + | I'm bad at reading poetry, especially poetry that doesn't use actual sentences. So, I feel like I'm a bad judge here. But, I did figure out that it was a raindrop about 2/3 down (while it was on the leaf). It took me a while to decide if it was literal or figurative (it is literal and anthropomorphic with some figurative "accounts" from the perspective of the droplet), but once I got that I was able to follow it well enough. I liked it better in a second reading, since now I knew how to read it and the first part made more sense. | ||
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| + | It didn't evoke a lot of emotion for me, but again, I think this is the wrong medium to get that kind of response from me. It might be more potent if it was read aloud. The descriptive language was good, though, and I did always recognize the emotions you were trying to bring across. I think. --[[User:Toad|Toad]] 22:23, 12 February 2009 (UTC) | ||
[[Category:Test Stories]] | [[Category:Test Stories]] | ||
Latest revision as of 23:14, 21 April 2011
Written on 2/07/09 by Ziggy
The Story
Birth into light
Swell with the joy
Joined by the kin
Sing from the soul
Still more come forth
Peace in the throng
Peace ever long
Peace stretches on
Peace stretches on
Loosed from our bonds
Free now to fall
Course through the air
Strain in the song
Contention in the throng
Friends growing far away
Cut off
Drifting
Listless
See the sky
What are colors?
Hue of sadness
Shade of anger
Touch of brilliance
Tone of peace
Combined without
Throughout within
Glitter nearby
Flash and flicker
Immense presence
Calming and corruscating
Lost kindred
Sepearted by the void
Fellow travelers
Common brothers
Dancing through the air
Downward to where?
Darkness ahead
Tinted emerald
Swallows up the calm
Rush and a roar
Alight on a leaf
Warm, but alone
Plants sing a different song
Leaves quiver
Recieve the rain again
Feel the brethren flowing within
Join in their tune
Now better thoughts
Connected with the forest
Roll slowly down
Don't let me go!
Falling again
Lonely again
New joys await?
Expectant
Hear the masses singing
So close now
Nearer
Soon
Here, home at last
Swell with the joy
Joined to the kin
Sing from the soul
Roll in the course
Life in the throng
Burst through our bonds
Cut through the earth
Crash and the roar
One we will be
Down to the sea
Analysis
Please feel free to add your analysis here.
Ziggy's analysis
I started this story with the intention to tell the story of a droplet being seperated from the Heart of Water and falling to the forest floor to join a river to the ocean.
I got goosebumps reading it again. I was trying to capture the pain and disorientation of seperation, and the joy of reunion. It's a lot shorter than I had imagined. It always seems longer when you're writing it.
Returning to this short work after a long absence, it still makes my scalp crawl a bit. I really enjoy the expectation and the longing. Ziggy 20:52, 22 February 2010 (UTC)
Reading it again after a time, it is not very poignant, but a few parts in the transitions give me a thrill. Perhaps we could put this in the comic somewhere. Ziggy 23:14, 21 April 2011 (UTC)
Toad's Analysis
I'm bad at reading poetry, especially poetry that doesn't use actual sentences. So, I feel like I'm a bad judge here. But, I did figure out that it was a raindrop about 2/3 down (while it was on the leaf). It took me a while to decide if it was literal or figurative (it is literal and anthropomorphic with some figurative "accounts" from the perspective of the droplet), but once I got that I was able to follow it well enough. I liked it better in a second reading, since now I knew how to read it and the first part made more sense.
It didn't evoke a lot of emotion for me, but again, I think this is the wrong medium to get that kind of response from me. It might be more potent if it was read aloud. The descriptive language was good, though, and I did always recognize the emotions you were trying to bring across. I think. --Toad 22:23, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
