At the same time

From House of Hozz

So, I was thinking. People talk about "you can't walk and chew gum at the same time" (which isn't true) or "you can't pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time" (which isn't true either)

They also say "you can't have your cake and eat it at the same time" (a slight modification, but it will do) which is only true if you're talking about the whole cake.

Well how about the brothers coming up with some really difficult "at the same time" sayings, and then thinking about how to actually accomplish them. It sounds like some of the discussions we have, and we could illustrate some cool thoughts, and differences in how the brothers approach things.

  1. You can't drive a bus and drive a golf ball at the same time
    • Ziggy's thoughts: Refit the buss so the steering wheel is on the roof, where there is a tee. Steer with one hand, swing the club with the other.
    • Hugh's thoughts: Diving out the window of a moving bus, wielding a golf club, tossing up a golfball and about to whack it out of the air, while the bus (full of explosives) zooms off of a cliff, into a volcano!
    • Zack's thoughts: skidding a bus sideways so the back end swings around and putts the ball into the hole. His caddy is holding the flag, and running for cover.
    • Oswald's thoughts: Riding a horse in a cowboy outfit. One pistol blazing in the air, while shooting the golfball with the other. He is driving (with the help of some sheepdogs) an entire herd of living busses over the course.
  2. You can't paint a masterpiece and juggle with five monkeys at the same time
    • Ziggy's thoughts: One monkey is tossing paint brushes at a huge canvass, another monkey is standing at the base of the painting catching the brushes, and tossing them to another monkey who is standing by a faucet, rinsing out the brushes, who then tosses them to another monkey who is drying them on a towel, who tosses them to the monkey with a paint palette, who puts a daub of paint on the brush, and tosses it to the first monkey. Ziggy is directing the palette monkey, and the painting monkey, so as to paint some sort of impressionistic picture.
    • Zack's thoughts: juggling 2 monkeys who are juggling 2 other monkeys who are throwing 1 monkey in the air repeatedly. the last monkey makes a single paint stroke at the height of his toss
    • Hugh's thoughts: having a poo fight with monkeys in a room filled with canvases
    • Oswald's thoughts: Oswald and the five monkeys are all wearing smocks, and painting together, while all six are also juggling their paint supplies.
  3. You can't run from the law and run for president at the same time
    • Ziggy's thoughts: Two countries are at war. Sabotage one country, and then run for president in the other. Simple!
    • Zack's thoughts: Holding a senator at gunpoint while campaigning from a podium to the throng of police men and swat team surrounding him.
    • Hugh's thoughts: Hugh, sword drawn, is running ninja style at the president while bullets fired by law enforcement whiz by him.
    • Oswalds's thoughts: Oswald is sitting in a nondescript van, surrounded by monitors. On the screens are four presidents (with little radio antennas sticking out of their heads) that he is remote controlling with four sets of joysticks. Police cars are driving by outside with their lights on.
  4. You can't count your chickens and burn your bridges at the same time.
    • Someone: throwing burning chickens like molotov cocktails onto a bridge(s).
    • Someone: Being caught stealing chicken roast from mom's oven. She is extremely upset.
    • Oswald's thoughts: Oswald is running over a burning bridge from a burning village, obviously besieged by bandits or a dark army. His face is a mix of worry and courage. Clutched to his chest and warped in his dark cloak is the last chicken.
  5. You cant visit the moon and grow tulips at the same time
    • all four are in the same thought bubble
    • Ziggy has an inflatable dome over him, and is wearing suspenders, tending a patch of tulips.
    • Hugh has a space suit on, and is growing tulips, also with their own individual space suits.
    • Zack is wearing a space suit, and growing some form of mutant space tulips.
    • Oswald is standing, in his normal clothes, holding a potted tulip. The other three brothers are looking at him quizzically, and he is looking back with the same expression.
  6. You can't defuse a bomb and make dinner at the same time.
    • just a side note, I think if we can actually put this line in the comic it would be awesome. Something like Hugh explaining why he didn't make dinner on his night.Oswald
    • I totally agree! Try this out for size! Ziggy 22:30, 28 January 2011 (UTC)
    • Hugh: He delivers the line. On the table is the jumbled mixture of timer, detonator, and explosives.
    • Ziggy, looking at the timer, says "You could have splashed water on it!"
    • Zack, looking at the detonator, says "You could have sliced the fuse off with a kitchen knife!"
    • Oswald, taking a bite out of the explosives, says "You could have baked it in a pie!"


The dualities roll off better if they share a verb with different meanings. Like "run for the president and run form the cops".

So far these are all silent. Perhaps there is no text at all, and deriving the original "at the same time" idea is left as an exercise for the viewer.