Difference between revisions of "Pebble in the pool"

Revision as of 17:32, 4 November 2009

There was an old pool by the side of the road. It had a small stream that ran into one side and out of the other. Claudius liked to stand by the pool when his mother was sick and throw pebbles.

It wasn't a big pool.

It wasn't a cool pool.

Not an especially beautiful pool.

But it was a magic pool, and it was very, very deep.

Children from town would come to the pool and skip stones. Sometimes the stones would skip off the water, and sometimes the stones would sink. If you could get your stone to skip all the way across the pool, something magical would happen. Sometimes you would get your wish, but usually it was something else.

A boy got to home and his mom gave him a hug.

A little girl once found a beautiful beetle.

The old man in town says it rained when he skipped his stone.

But Claudius couldn't skip stones, so he just threw pebbles.

The children from town would sometimes laugh at Claudius. His arms weren't very strong, and he didn't think very fast. He couldn't walk very well yet either. Sometimes he would forget where he was. The children thought it was funny.

They would laugh when he became excited when he found a pebble that was just right.

They would laugh as his eyes narrowed, and he wrinkled his nose, and pulled his chubby hand way back behind his head.

They would laugh as the pebble went "Ploit!" down near his feet.

The children told him the pebbles he chose would never skip all the way across, but Claudius didn't mind.

Claudius would walk back home along the side of the road with his older brother, Marcus. Sometimes Claudius would wander off from home, but his brother Marcus would always find him at the old pool. Marcus could skip stones like the other children. Marcus said that he would teach Claudius some day. Their mother worried that they would both drown in the deep, deep pool, but the old man in town said that no one had ever drowned in the pool.

That's how they knew it was magic.

Their mother didn't believe in magic though. Their mother was sick a lot, and didn't have the strength to believe in very many things. When she was sick, Marcus would skip stones and wish out loud that his mother would get better. Claudius didn't say anything, he just threw pebbles. Their mother always got better, but later she would get sick again.

One day their mother was very sick. They went out to play, and Marcus took Claudius to the pool. They both threw rocks. Marcus's rocks went "plip... plip... plip, plip, plip-plop." Clausius' rocks just went "Ploit!" Marcus looked at Claudius.

"I wish you could skip your stones. Then Mom would get better! Here, throw them like this!"

"plip... plip... plip, plip, plip-plop."

"Ploit!"

"Auuuugh! Never mind."

Marcus frowned and threw his next stone extra hard. It skipped, and skipped, and skipped... and made it all the way across the pool! "Yessssss!" he shouted. "Maybe Mom is better now, I'm going to go check!" Claudius didn't follow him, he just watched Marcus run down the road. Claudius looked back at the pool with a serious expression on his face.

He bent down and seriously selected a pebble, just like Marcus.

He pulled his arm way back very seriously, just like Marcus.

He threw it hard down at his feet, just like Marcus.

The pebble didn't go "Ploit!"

The pebble didn't sink into the pool.

The pebble went "Tink... Tink! Tink, tink, tink-tink-tinkinkkink." and stopped in the middle of the pool.

Claudius jerked his head back, and took a small step.

Claudius looked at the pebble, and then at the pool.

Claudius took a wobbly step out onto the water.

SPLASH!

The water was warm, but very wet. Claudius wasn't sure how to swim. He had seen other boys do it, something about moving your arms and legs. He wasn't doing a very good job, but he held his breath.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Analysis

Ziggy's Analysis

I started writing this story and found that it rapidly took on a "children's storybook" tone. Few pronouns, repetitive phrases, intentional informal meter. Comment if you have any suggestions on how to deepen this tone, or if it broke at some point. Also, other comments are helpful too.

I didn't have a story, or a plot, or an ending in mind when I started. All I had was a pool by the side of a road.