Difference between revisions of "Pebble in the pool"

Revision as of 16:51, 4 November 2009

There was an old pool by the side of the road. It had a small stream that ran into one side and out of the other. Claudius liked to stand by the pool and throw pebbles.

It wasn't a big pool.

It wasn't a cool pool.

Not an especially beautiful pool.

But it was a magic pool, and it was very, very deep.

Children from town would come to the pool and skip stones. Sometimes the stones would skip off the water, and sometimes the stones would sink. If you could get your stone to skip all the way across the pool, something magical would happen. Sometimes you would get your wish, but usually it was something else.

A boy got to home and his mom gave him a hug.

A little girl once found a beautiful beetle.

The old man in town says it rained when he skipped his stone.

But Claudius couldn't skip stones, so he just threw pebbles.

The children from town would sometimes laugh at Claudius. His arms weren't very strong, and he didn't think very fast. He couldn't walk very well yet either. Sometimes he would forget where he was. The children thought it was funny.

They would laugh when he got excited when he found a pebble that was just right.

They would laugh as his eyes narrowed, and he wrinkled his nose, and pulled his hand way back behind his head.

They would laugh as the pebble went "Ploit!" down near his feet.

The children told him the pebbles would never skip all the way across, but Claudius didn't mind.

Analysis

Ziggy's Analysis

I started writing this story and found that it rapidly took on a "children's storybook" tone. Few pronouns, repetitive phrases, intentional informal meter. Comment if you have any suggestions on how to deepen this tone, or if it broke at some point. Also, other comments are helpful too.